“Just Say No.” The original phrase applied to drugs, but it’s morphed to other uses since then. The power of saying “no” to opportunities and obligations that don’t serve you is pretty well accepted in the self-improvement world.

Now that we have the “say no” part down, I want to focus on the “JUST” in the phrase. “Just,” as in, “ONLY say no.” Or “Only say yes.” Then stop talking about it.

What I propose is, once you’ve said “no” or “yes,” you move on. Just…say no.

Of course, most of us don’t move on. We have what I call the internal Justification Soundtrack that so often comes right behind the choices we make.

Imagine you drive up to a red light, and see someone with a sign and cup for change, asking for assistance.

If you’re like me, you make a pretty instant decision: give or don’t give, and you take action. Then you drive away and spend the next few minutes listening to an Internal Justification Soundtrack with yourself, along these lines:

“That was good. Poor guy. If I'm not part of the solution, I'm part of the problem. I needed to give him some money. After all, this could have been my own brother, and think of all the people who gave him money…” on and on.

Or maybe my decision was don’t give. “That guy will just use that money for alcohol. What he really needs is rehab. Maybe I should just calculate how much money I DON’T give to him and others like him, and give it to Martha’s Table. He could have been my own brother, and maybe a group like Martha’s Table…” blah blah blah.

Pretty soon, five minutes of my life have evaporated in a discussion which no one but me heard, and which can’t change the decision I’ve made and already acted upon. All that energy I used up in a pointless conversation gets wasted, too. The Justification Soundtrack didn’t help me at all.

Sound familiar?

A few basic circumstances make it easy for us to run the Justiification Soundtrack.

For most of us, it’s just a habit. Maybe you learned it because you grew up having to justify your behavior, and acquired the habit of prepping an argument in self-defense: “But I really need the car because…”

Harness the Energy Around You!

Maybe you habitually run a soundtrack of your life, and this is just one example of it: “I got in my car to go to the Safeway and on the way I…”

For others, the Justification Soundtrack makes us feel confident about a decision we are more ambivalent about than we let ourselves know. So, even after we make and act on a decision, we keep talking ourselves into why it was the right one.

Especially as economic concerns provoke all of us to evaluate our choices in terms of financial impacts, we may engage in a little retroactive self-persuasion to feel okay about changing choices and behaviors.

> I know Teddy wanted the deluxe bicycle but the one we got is fine because he’s still growing and…

> It’s good that we’re finally moving forward on the decision to down-size the department, because at least folks won’t be wondering what their status is…

> I really need this extra chiropractic session because this is an 8-performance week and if I can’t move free of pain then…

Sometimes, the Soundtrack is a fantasy, a practice run to explain a decision to others. It’s resourceful if you have an actual audience in mind, and are creating arguments to change their reactions to your choice. If you’re addressing a vague audience, just practicing different ways to frame your choice, that falls directly into the unresourceful bucket.

If you’ve already made and acted on a choice, the Justification Soundtrack just steals your time and energy.

Imagine being able to occupy your thoughts and awareness with things of THIS moment, rather than living in an alternate reality where you haven’t yet taken action. Once you put the dollar in the cup or buy the bike, let it go.

Here’s how. First, NOTICE when the Justification Sound Track is running. Next, identify what the Soundtrack is trying to accomplish.

Are you working out ambivalence? Then move your thoughts to a different topic, such as, “Will I do this again in the future?” or “Why am I still ambivalent, even though I can’t take it back?”

Are you concerned about what someone else will say or do in reaction to your choice? If you, in the objective world, genuinely need to defend your decision, create a message map of ideas that will help lead the listener to your conclusion. Then let it go. If the listener is faceless, or changing, shift your dialogue to ask, “What makes it a good use of my time to talk to people who don’t exist, or who would never have this discussion with me anyway?”

And if you discover that it’s an easy daydream to have, and you like daydreaming, I urge you to daydream bigger! Shift your Soundtrack to, “I wonder how I accomplished (fill-in-the-blank-with-goal-you-haven’t-yet-achieved) so easily?” Put it deliberately in the future, like you’re already there. Then let your brain work out the details for you. That’s a great way to spend five minutes!

Remember, though: If you don’t notice it first you can’t shift it later.

I have a lot of five-minute chunks of time I can’t get back. But I’m going to have fewer of them, now that I’m on JUST say yes. Or no.

Let me know how you do!