All collaborative creative endeavors demand that we put forward our most resourceful ideas, perspectives and talents. It doesn’t matter whether we’re rehearsing a passage of music, creating a speech or discovering a character for performance. All creativity requires that we share something that comes from inside ourselves.

And that can be risky.

Sometimes what we’re putting out doesn’t seem to mesh well with what our collaborators are putting out. Maybe we disagree about what slide goes where, or even what goes on the slide. Maybe we want to try having a character do X, and the director wants the character to do Y.

When the energy in the room is right, disagreements over the best choice for a moment in a scene can spark an even better creative result. When the energy is collaborative, we can allow for a customer’s concerns and still make the deal.

Two words can make the difference between whether you are building a collaborative energy, or a confrontational energy: “and” and “but”. Three letters each, but WOW do they pack a different punch.

Say these sentences out loud to yourself, and note how they make you feel:

“I hear what you are saying but I think this character really needs to be sitting at the table, not wandering around!”

“I know you want them to hear the market research results but there’s no way they’re going to be able to read that graph in these slides!”

“I see what you are going for but I can’t say those words and believe what I’m saying!”

How do you feel? You probably feel a little ginned up, geared up for a battle of some kind.  Battle has its place, and it certainly can rev up your engines. But creativity rarely comes from squaring off AGAINST a person, ideas, or action.

Now try these sentences out loud, and see how you feel afterwards:

“I hear what you’re saying, and I think that this character could also be sitting at the table…”

“I know you want them to hear the market research results, and there’s no way they can read this graph in this slide…”

“I see what you’re going for here, and I can’t say this and believe what I’m saying…”

In every case, using the word “and” keeps the energy between collaborators open.

“And” invites continued discussion. “But” draws a line in the sand.

“And” allows both ideas to be right. “But” makes one of them wrong.

“And” lets a third option emerge. “But” means “pick one of these two.”

There is a biological reason for the way these two words generate the energy they do. One of the oldest parts of our brain, the mid-brain, houses the center for the fight-flight-or-freeze reaction in the body. When it’s activated, the blood literally drains away from the part of the brain – the frontal lobe – which generates creative thought and inspiration. You don’t think creatively because you CAN’T think creatively.

A powerful mid-brain is one of the gifts you inherited from your ancestors. When the opposing village attacked yours, the people who could turn off their thinking brain and just react to defend themselves out-lived the ones who thought their way into action.

It turns out, all confrontation lights up key chunks of the mid-brain. It goes on alert that it may be time to put up your dukes. Hearing that “but” in a sentence makes those sentries stand up, and the frontal lobe – the creative center – starts to power down. Our wiring is such that, if the mid-brain determines an all-out assault is coming (“You will use this graph whether you like it or not!” “It doesn’t have to make sense – just do what you are told here”), the lights go out on the “smarts” and we prepare for battle.

In most battles, the most powerful opponent wins…based on power, not merits. The best choice doesn’t necessarily carry the day. And the possible fruitful middle ground never gets explored.

Using “and” helps the energy of your biology work for you and the project rather than against you.

The energy of “and” doesn’t gear up the mid-brain as much. That’s especially true when you keep open to the idea that there is a third possibility (or a fourth, or fifth…) and keep that in mind as you say “and” instead of “but.”

Harness the Energy Around You!

You may not always be able to control whether the other person hears your “and” as “but.” BUT we’re willing to bet that you’ll see an immediate difference in how your collaborations go, when you “and” your way through creative differences.

Beyond what “and” can do for others is what it does for YOU and your creativity. Making your energy collaborative, rather than confrontational, keeps your smart brain operating over the “reptilian” or mid-brain.  And that guarantees that you will be as creative as you can be.

Whatever work you do – isn’t the fun to be found in the creative aspects? Don’t you relish the days where the energy of various ideas comes together to make something unique and cool – whether it’s a sale or a scene or a beautiful double-play? “And” gets you and your colleagues more creative juice – every time.

Try “and.” Weed out the “but.” And watch the creativity quotient around you soar.