You hear voices in your head. You know you do!

Like everyone else, you have a running dialogue inside your head. You’re really aware of The Voice sometimes, and barely notice it other times.

Take a closer look at The Voice. The Voice tells you things like:

'Don’t forget the milk on the way home!'

'I have to remember to call so and so.'

'If I go to the gym first, then I can pick up the coffee if I have time.'

Sounds familiar, right? That’s The Neutral Voice keeping you on task.

How about these voices?

'You were so nice to her even though she didn’t deserve it. Good for you!'

'You did a great job. You deserve a reward!'

'Oooooh – you really saved HIS bacon. I wonder if he’ll notice!'

'Can you believe how he just cut you off like that??'

That’s The Cheerleader Voice. It’s the part of you that notices everything good you do and praises, soothes and rewards you for it. It also notices when others misbehave and praises you for being better.

And then there’s The Judge Voice:

'You idiot! You should have seen that coming!'

'Only a fat pig like you would have fries with that!'

'I can’t believe how lazy you are!'

'You dummy!'

'You loser!'

The Judge Voice is always scolding you.

Sometimes it’s meant to motivate you, and sometimes it’s meant to punish you. The Judge behaves as if telling you that you’re a no-talent pretender will somehow help you become genuinely talented.

What’s notable about these last two sets of statements isn’t just that most of them are negative or mean spirited. It’s that they aren’t in the first person.

Pay attention to when your self-talk uses “I” and when it uses “you.” Most people use both sets of pronouns and don’t even notice.

It turns out that The Voice is really two or more voices.  

To be in charge of your energy, you need to know which one is talking to you.

There is The Neutral Voice . You’ll know it when you “hear” yourself using “I” statements.  Most of time, it carries information and instructions, without judgment.

Then there are the other voices. They speak to “you” – not “I.” There are dozens of variations, but The Cheerleader and The Judge are common to most people.

Psychologists will tell you that The Cheerleader and The Judge are the internalized voices of someone around you – likely a parent, but possibly a teacher or other relative – and that you’re using that voice to guide or motivate your behavior.

I don’t disagree. But I would add this:

The Judge just pulls the plug on your energy. He has to go.

The Cheerleader doesn’t help as much as you might think. But it’s the Judge I want to ask you to hone in on.

You would never stand by and let someone talk to a friend like that, would you?

Harness the Energy Around You!

You would be able to see how demoralizing and crippling that energy would be for your friend.

What makes you think you’re any different?

Start paying attention to who is talking to you. Just notice.

Then turn down the volume on The Judge. Ask it to find a more civil way to speak to you.

You’ll start having more energy for the things you enjoy. You will likely firm a different relationship with the things you don’t enjoy.

Don’t let anyone attack you as a matter of habit – even if the attacks come in your own voice!