The irony here is that Myer is lying about her authentic style of speaking. She didn’t mean to be – I’m sure of that. My third bet: she listened to some self-described expert tell her something like, “Don’t wave your hands around,” or even “Keep Your hands at your side – your body language will be stronger.” So she followed those instructions.

The problem is, Myer is what we call a “Hand Talker.” Watch her shoulders as she speaks. They’re moving because she has to do something with the energy that is getting pinned to her legs. You can see her looking minutely distracted – and that’s because she is (I’d bet) struggling to keep her hands from entering the dialogue, they way they would on any other occasion.

Watch the expression in her face when her hands finally cut loose to illustrate a point – and then get sent right back down to her sides, where someone told her they belong.

Hand Talkers NEED their hands to communicate. There’s nothing wrong with that, except in the minds of Body Language Police, who are paying attention to the wrong things.

If you are a Hand Talker, for goodness sakes, use your hands! No matter what the presentation venue is – video, live meeting – even a telephone meeting. Your hands will help you communicate, even when we can’t see you.

If you get coaching from someone who tells you to keep your hands still, find another coach. Seriously. Audiences want your authentic connection to reach them. Some people, Hand Talkers in particular, are helped when they allow their hands to do what they do when they speak like a regular person to regular people.

The point of speaker coaching – whether you pay an expert, or take the advice of a trusted colleague – is to help the speaker connect to the audience. Instead, a lot of coaching comes in the form of trying to gussy up the speaker so they look “better.” We would have advised Ms. Myer very differently.

Here’s a link to another video in the Post series. Watch how authentically connected this speaker, Dartmouth President Dr. Jim Yong Kim, is to us. See how he’s completely focused on helping us hear and use what he’s telling us. He’s not thinking about what his hands should or shouldn’t do at all.Those hands would never pass muster with the Body Language Police. But they support every syllable he speaks. It’s a terrific presentation.

Meanwhile, buy Lie Spotting. The least we can do is plug the book, after holding up her performance as an object lesson.

Some of these speakers love the word leverage so much that, when I ask them what word they would use instead, if they were talking about the same topic at a dinner party, they look at me like I have asked which way is up. “Leverage,” they reply.

I’m glad we don’t get invited to those dinner parties.

But since most of us DO get invited to those presentations, listen up: Chop “leverage” right out of your vocabulary. Aim for something much more down to earth, and closer to what you really mean by “leverage.”

Leverage can mean lots of different things:

- make the most of
- do more with less
- make lemonade out of lemons
- be as smart and tactical as possible when pitting assets against needs
- stretch our people as thinly as possible
- try to get another business unit/manager/employee to do part of our job for us
- acquire power we can use over someone else
- force others into a situation they wouldn’t choose for themselves

…and on and on. You’ll notice that not all of these more specific definitions are positive. That may be why “leverage” has become popular in some quarters: it lets you cloak less desirable motive as something benign. But most people like it because it sounds, in the words of someone we once coached, “smart. It’s an SAT word.”

Your job isn’t to sound smart. It’s to change us, out there in the audience. So decide what meaning you intend to convey with “leverage.” Then use those words instead of the “L” word.

Lots has been written about apologies, and what constitutes an “appropriate” apology. Here’s a good piece on the art of the business apology. And here’s one of the best, most genuine apologies of all times.

We’ve seen less on the need to push back when you need to, despite fervent calls to apologize. And we think Steve Jobs did a great job of that.

We’re not taking about evading responsibility, ala the numerous BP statements we’ve seen in recent months. We’re talking about a respectful, “This is not the problem you are making it out to be” push back that is sometimes warranted.

And, in our view, Mr. Jobs did a respectful, assertive and solid job of that. He made a strong case that the media reaction to the dropped call issue far out-paced consumer reaction. He made a direct case for the issue of dropped calls being an issue shared among all smart phones.

What we liked even more than his messaging, though, was the energy with which he delivered them: assertive, not angry. On the side of his customers, not begging forgiveness of journalists and pundits.

It’s become reflexive, these days, for the media to call for an apology for transgression real and imagined. Barack Obama has to “apologize” to Americans, especially those in the Gulf Coast region for not being “mad enough” about the Gulf Oil spill. People get mad at Joe Barton for apologizing to BP for tough treatment by the government, and then get mad at him again because his “take it back” apology was insincere.

Regardless of your politics, both these guys had an opportunity to push back and defend themselves against the media demand for an apology. Obama could have said, “The focus on whether I’m personally angry is beside the point. What we should focus on is, what are we doing to fix the problem?” — over and over again, if need be. Barton could have said, “I meant what I said when I called it a shakedown, and while that may distress my colleagues, I stick to my guns.”

Neither would have been forced into a false apology — none of which placated the media, anyway. Both would have focused the discussion on the substance of what they intend, and not the trappings of apology.

It’s easy to call for an apology and less easy to have a dialogue about the actual events in question. The more we get used to calling for, giving and hearing false apologies to appease the media, the more we devalue sincere apology and make it harder for people to deal on the actual issues surrounding the perceived transgression. The more we behave as if empty rhetoric is a good use of time and resources, the easier it is to allow hallow communication in our work and personal lives.

So, push back when the situation warrants it. Save apologies for the real thing.

But we also like to help speakers in the community. That’s how we came to work with a group of six rising and just-graduated high school seniors. They’re all interns at a local foundation for the summer. And the foundation wanted to make sure they left with basic speaking skills.

They had some great questions – all based on what they’ve seen the adults around them doing, when they present, like:

“I hate it when people stand there and read the slides, like we can’t read ourselves. Are you really supposed to do that?”

“I can’t stop from walking around a lot, shifting my weight from side to side. What’s up with that?”

“What do I do with my hands?”

“Do you have to use slides?”

“What can I do to be more genuine? Because I think you are supposed to be.”

“What if I get nervous?”

What great questions! And, for the record, the answers are:

No, you aren’t supposed to read your slides. You aren’t even supposed to have enough words on the slide TO read them to us.

You are probably someone who needs to move in order to think. The trick for kinesthetic thinkers is to plant yourself before you speak your Big Ideas. Then make the movement in between Big Ideas deliberate, rather than random.

Forget about ‘em.

No. No. No.

Quit trying to be “good” or “better” and just give us something to do that we couldn’t have done without your talk. Empower us in some specific way.

People who try NOT to be nervous get themselves in trouble. The first thing to do is let it be okay for you to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. Trying to block out your body’s signals about nerves is guaranteed to make your brain and body dial up the nerves. Let it go, and focus on US instead of yourself.

Anyway. So much of our coaching is about helping people drop old bad habits and out-moded “Speaker 101” ideas. It was refreshing to work with people who were of true beginner’s mind and open to new ideas. They are passionate about the world and their ideas, and are eager to start changing the world, one audience at a time.

Watch out, world. These young people will be coming soon to an audience near you.

Seriously.

Because when your attention is on your hands, it’s not on us, out in the audience. And we matter more than your hands do.

PLUS: Your hands are really smart. In almost all cases, they’ll do everything naturally and intelligently — IF you just let them do what they do.

When you become conscious of your hands, suddenly they’re a lot less intelligent than they were before you decided to “help” them with conscious thought. That’s when hands look stiff and wooden.

That’s especially true for the people we call “hand talkers” – the expressive people whose hands fly around as they speak. In fact, we were just speaking today with a person who had to hold her notes and a hand mic — and suddenly couldn’t find the words to come out of her mouth!

Try this experiment. Pick up any text handy to you — the bills on your desk, maybe, or a magazine. Start reading it out loud.

Now focus on what your hands “should” be doing as you read it. Keep reading out loud – try to make sense of what you are saying – and make your hands “do” something.

It doesn’t feel good, does it?

And we can tell you, from out where we sit, it doesn’t look natural. You look stiff, you look a tad distracted, more on guard, more formal, less authentic. And if you’re a serious hand talker,like our client today, you may even have trouble getting the words out of your mouth.

Let the same intelligence that runs your hands the rest of the time be in charge of them when you present. All that body language stuff about what your hands “should be doing” is irrelevant in most situations, for virtually all people.

Let your hands deliver the reflexive, innate support to your ideas and language they provide in your real life. Just because you’re standing in front of a big audience doesn’t mean you should suddenly be less real. Just the oppostite.! We’re there to hear YOU and YOUR IDEAS – and if your hands want to help do the talking, let them.

These folks know that science is proving, over and over, that focused intention has an impact on the physical world. That’s not just the stuff of a Dan Brown novel — it’s laboratory based science. In fact, they’d just heard from Dr. Dean Radin about some of the newest science out there. Lucky ones heard from Dr. Eric Leskowitz on the SCIENCE of fan intention and outcomes in baseball.

So, I didn’t have to convince this crowd THAT intention mattered. I only had to show them how the intentions of most speakers differed from the intentions of smart speakers. Here’s how I did it.

I had a boatload of used tennis balls (thank you David Kane). Smart speakers direct their intentions toward the audience — like you would when you throw a ball out there toward the audience. MOST speakers direct their intentions toward themselves — like you would when you throw a ball at your own chest.

Ow.

In real life, the equivalent is the speaker who wants to “do a good job,” or “not make a mistake, ” or “use good body language.” Those intentions all focus on the speaker. Ow.

SMART speakers know that the audience counts more than the speaker — so that’s where their intentions are focused.

The strongest speakers intend to change the audience in some way. They deliver a message that’s built to make the listener able to do something they couldn’t have done without being in the audience. Smart speakers make it about listener, rather than themselves.

I didn’t take out anybody or anything when I tossed those balls out there. And it didn’t hurt a bit. But I changed some minds and hearts about what makes a good speaker.

Which was my intention, all along.

We’re urging them not to do it…because you can do so much better than, “new.”

In fact, “new” is pretty commonplace, especially in Western society. “New” isn’t necessarily better. It’s just, you know, “new.”

We think some more specific language might be in order. Rather than just assuming that the audience would accurately assume what was good about things being “new,” we asked our speakers to actually tell them.

Here’s what we came up with. Sometimes “new” really means:

- the first this product or service has been offered
- updated
- expanded
- re-vamped
- more focused service
- a re-commitment to an idea or level of service
- innovative
- fresh or refreshed
- original
- next in a series of continuous improvements
- fledgling
- early adoption of an idea or technology
- better, improved
- not on line yet, but we promise you it’s coming
- something we should have been doing for a while and finally are doing now

Who knew? At least now, these audiences will!

What other things does “new” actually mean in your world? Share you suggestions here!

Saying what you mean – taking the time to be specific – helps your audience understand you. Take a look here and here at previous posts, which can help you “say What You Mean.”

Yikes. This speaker means one of three things, none of them good:
– “I talk to the Board and you DON’T,”
– “I prepared for them, but for you: leftovers. Deal with it.” OR
– “You can’t grade me hard here because it worked for the Board.”

Not a resourceful way to start, if you want your audience to feel like they matter to you.

If you have a reason for us to know that you gave this presentation to the Board, you have to be clear with yourself what that reason is…and the only legitimate reason to share has to support a way to empower the audience, rather than your reputation.

If you didn’t prepare, and this is a recycled presentation…why do you think that’s okay? You can prepare for the fancy people but not for the common folk?

Every audience deserves the best you have to offer – even if the audience is the people who attend your standing Team Meeting week after week. Don’t try to get away with not customizing your presentation for us by telling us it worked for someone else.

If time truly is short, and you can’t tailor a presentation for the next audience, for goodness sakes don’t start out with a blanket apology or admonition that we have to like it because your previous audience did. Just be with your audience, in this venue and circumstance, in this moment.

Searching for the next new thing drives our consumer society. It keeps The American Idol franchise strong. We track down the newest restaurants, seek out the best vacation spot and keep our antennae tuned to what Steve Jobs has for us next. New stimuli keeps us entertained, fed, learning new skills, relating to new people and ideas. Novelty is great.

EXCEPT…when you are someone who has to (gets to?) give essentially the same presentation to multiple audiences.

Without even realizing why, you start to “mix things up.” You look for improvements – not a bad thing, per se. It’s just that this little drive toward novelty can make you a poor judge of what constitutes an “improvement.” All too often, changes to stock presentations happen because they are entertaining to the speaker, rather than because they are better for the audience.

If you are someone whose speeches get covered by the press – a politician, say, or Steve Jobs – you will want to make changes simply because your audience is likely to have heard parts of your presentation in some other media, before you even get to speak to them. Even then, staying with consistent Big Idea messaging is powerful.

But most of us don’t have a camera crew trailing us. That means your presentation is likely to be new to every audience, every time. So when you hear yourself going off the reservation with some new embellishment, ask yourself: does this get my audience closer to my change equation or does it just entertain me?

If you are someone who rehearses your presentation then you may also find yourself in the same novelty-seeking boat. By the 4th time you speak the presentation, the urge to change things will start to become visceral.

Whenever your brain kicks you into the hunt for the novel approach:

1) Stop and check in with your Change Equation. Are you headed off track in the hunt for the new? Or are still headed toward your intended change?
2) STICK TO YOUR KEY MESSAGES! Change up the blah blah blah if you want to, but don’t mess with the bones of the presentation. That’s how you deliver your audience to the change.
3) Remember that we don’t care if you have a good time up there. We just care about our experience out here. Seriously, We matter more than you do. The whole THING is novel to us!

And if the urge for change is too strong to ignore, we have it on good authority that a new pair of black shoes will make all the difference. Go shopping instead.

“Thank you for your attention.”

“Thank you for taking time out of your day to be here with us.”

How many presentations have you heard begin and end with, ”thank you”? How often have you actually felt thanked?

From the audience perspective, it’s not like we have a choice to attend most presentations. It’s part of our job. We have to be there. Whether we travel across the hall or across the country to get there, someone wants us to be there, so we are.

So skip the opening “thank you” – starting with the one to the person who just introduced you. Start where you’d start once you get all that gratuitous politeness out of the way (and it is gratuitous). Don’t waste the most powerful part of any presentation with an empty sentiment.

And if you are going to say “thank you” at the end of the presentation, we say this: mean it or skip it.

Most of the time, the “Thank you” is so perfunctory that we know what the speaker really means: “Thank goodness I got out of here without a major screw up.” “Thank God I didn’t get any impossible questions.” “Thank you for not walking out while I was talking.”

There are two ways to avoid saying an empty “thank you” as you close your talk.

First. Find a way to close with words for a final message, relevant to your topic: “When you use these ideas, you’ll be able to reduce your carbon foot print in the office. And that’s good for all of us.” If you intend that to be your close, we in the audience will know you’re done. Sometimes, even just thinking, “The end” or “thank you” in that classic “I’m-done-speaking-now-you-can-clap” way will help us feel that you are done.

If you actually do speak, “thank you,” MEAN IT! Actually send us your gratitude for being engaged, or for the tacit promise of using your ideas when we go back to work. So thank us for putting (insert your Big Idea here) into action, for example.

Thank you for no more gratuitous “thank you’s.”